NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
