We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
