we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
