How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Randomize
