guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
