i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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