I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
