Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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