Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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