you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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