I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
