In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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