i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
