Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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