i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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