Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
