remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
