I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
