He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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