her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
