Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
