He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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