You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
