Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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