What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
