I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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