I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Randomize
