At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
