the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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