Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
