people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
