Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Randomize
