i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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