i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
