The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
