If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
