i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
