no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
