But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
