Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
we should paint friendship bongs
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
