He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
