It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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