I think my vagina is haunted
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
