I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
