Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Randomize
