The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I have aggressive nipples.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
