Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
