You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
