You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
