And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
