when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
