Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
