He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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