What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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