first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
